Date: 12th November '13
Mood: Quizzical and reflective
Glasses of Wine: None
Angry Moments: None
Second Thoughts: None
Who knew stationery was so tricky? Genuinely, I've been looking at pages and pages and pages of wedding stationery, or suites apparently they're called. I'm no wiser. I've sent rambling, long winded emails to purveyors and designers all over the world asking various vague questions about their ranges. I apologise profusely. My problem is I don't know what I want, I see things I like then I think 'oh I don't know if I like that enough', that enough is a tricky little blighter. I've had to step away from Etsy because of it, lest I get banned for pestering sellers.
You know I always thought I would be making my invitations, I had this vision before I got married of this huge craft based wedding. Bunting, made by me, windmills, invitations, centerpieces, hand sourced china tea cups, all by me. The tea party had been my wedding idea for about ten years, I knew what I wanted and I thought that would happen. But, there's always a but isn't there? But since I've gotten engaged my ideas have changed, it seems like what I thought I wanted I'm not doing. I became painfully aware once I started looking at wedding magazines that everyone was doing the vintage tea party thing, when I was all about vintage it wasn't quite so heavily subscribed. That wasn't the sole reason for turning away from it though and it actually wasn't quite such a deliberate choice, I just found myself gradually finding that I didn't want to have the vintage craft wedding. The venue obviously plays a huge part and initially our winter wedding dictated its own decor, and now our Vegas, cabaret wedding is dictating its own as well.
I just keep seeing things I like better than what I could necessarily make. Part of me feels like a traitor, like the ideas I've always had are being betrayed and I don't quite recognise this new me. Is this common? Does this happen to all brides. I feel very disconnected from the wedding at the moment, I think because it's so far away in Las Vegas and I haven't done a lot of things for it. Even when I'm picking my Vegas venues (a private room overlooking St. Mark's Square in the Venetian for dinner) it's still felt a bit otherworldly. I wonder if it's because our priorities recently have been so focused on buying our new house. Everything is a whirl of solicitors and plumbers and IKEA and decorating. I guess maybe the wedding has taken a backseat to that. It's hard though, I mean it's five months away, and it hasn't really sunk in with me. I worry that maybe I won't enjoy it because it never sunk in or because I'm dreading so many things. You know I could probably summarize this post into two words, 'I worry' and that would be accurate.
I'm the woman who thought they would plan a wedding for 5 years because they loved the idea of planning so much. In reality I've planned it for a few months. I thought I'd have scrapbooks full of ideas to mull over and I'd be reading bridal magazines every day. In reality I pinned a few things on Pinterest, lost interest and stopped, and I rarely read bridal magazines, too many adverts and nothing you can't find online. I thought I'd go to every wedding show around and would be a big deal because I was 'a bride' (hallowed tones). In reality you don't get particularly spoiled as a bride, I haven't been anyway. Bridal shows depress me, (sorry those of you who love them) apart from a few nice stands a lot of it is 'here's how much of your money we want', and my favourite 'you have to have it, sure you only do it once and you want your day to be perfect'. I hate those, when I went to a very large show, we were still having a winter wedding at this point, the amount of photographers who did the sharp intake of breath along with a scowl and complaint about how our wedding photos would be 'difficult'. Thanks for making me feel special there chaps. That didn't happen once it happened at least 8 or 9 times at the show. Who would have thought a wedding at 3pm in December was that much of a hassle to them?
I don't know, I wonder what it all means, often your wedding says a lot about you, maybe it means I'm very changeable? I think the main thing I guess that I can say about it is perhaps the ideas that I had were quite naive, maybe you don't really know what you want until you're there.
Until Next Time