Where have I been?

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It is probably a bit of a surprise to see a new post on here, I've been AWOL since March. I've been trying to keep my Instagram up to date but blogging has been so far away from my priority list that I just haven't been able to keep up.

Much to the chagrin of people who needed me to post things or were looking for reviews or opinions, I disappeared. But it was only because I had to. You guys know I've been very forthright about things, I've never declined to talk about things because I thought they might help someone else, my own cancer diagnosis was one of those things. But I didn't know how to talk about someone else's.

So at the end of March things hit the fan, my wonderful mother was diagnosed with cancer, and it blindsided us all. We are pretty private about things like that so it was a shock and I had to pack up and move down to look after her. She went through surgery, and unfortunately the surgery and resulting scans showed it had not removed all of the cancer. So she went through more surgery.

We had to wait whilst they took her for more scans, there was lymph involvement so we were looking for spread. My own cancer experience has left me with particular triggers which I don't enjoy, I'm not good in doctors appointments, or getting results, so this was a trial in itself. The scans came in and showed some spread to the bones. It wasn't just as simple as cut it out and continue with life. It took me a lot of conversations with her doctors, and Macmillan nurses to understand what this meant.

You know I heard spread and I assumed that was it, the end of the line, I had to try and envisage how to go about losing my mum, but thanks to research, and funding that's not the end anymore. She takes medication which strengthens her bones, and she's on incredible meds that have only just been brought in by the NHS, and I thank God for the NHS every day. She's done her radiotherapy, they're keeping a close eye on her and she's on a chemo tablet.

I remember her oncologist saying to me, people live with this every day just like a long term condition, like diabetes. And it just amazed me how far we have come. It's quite aggressive so I'm doing my best to not only make sure she's eating her best, but also that sulphurophane is a big part of her diet now, having seen recent trials and research.

It's a lot, many of you who follow me on Instagram will also know Molly was extremely sick at the same time, and I had to leave her with my husband to go take care of my mum. Now in September, things have settled a bit, and yes I still have good and bad days, mum still has good and bad days too. Sometimes the worry gets extremely intense, and I have to talk myself down out of the rafters. But I take solace in medicine and I try to stop feeling like only I can control it, that if only I was there 24 hours a day again, making her her smoothies full of cancer fighters that would do it. Life has to continue.

So I'm down once a week, I've been working the whole way through, I'm not always feeling so great but I try. Molly is also doing well, and my husband is a superstar, he'd put me back together when i'd visit him every couple of weeks for a day or two. So that's where I've been. And if you've had a curt message checking in on a sample that's why. I didn't know whether to post this or not, I might even take it down but I just wanted to be honest, and explain where I've been.

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I'm also planning on hosting a coffee morning for Macmillan Cancer Support, they have been incredible, I cannot tell you how important they are. From basic questions, to all out panic, I spoke to their nurses almost daily, on the end of a telephone, or on a live chat. They are invaluable, we've always raised money for them, but this year seems even more pertinent. They were incredible when my amazing nana died at only 59 having the same cancer as me, and now have been wonderful through my mums treatment.

If you can't make the coffee morning on the 28th jump over to My Fundraising Site and virtually have some cake. Please help and support and lets get as many Macmillan nurses as possible!

Much Love, As Always

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